One of my favorite, and most frequently-used, communication skills is what I like to call the “Some-Other” technique. I was on call yesterday at Mercy and probably used this technique five or six times. Some might say I use it too much, others might say I don’t use it nearly enough.

Some-Other is a great way to map someone’s preferences using a focused, and directed, set of choices. It’s also a great way to acknowledge that there’s often no “right” or “wrong” choice, and that it’s ok to feel what you feel and decide what you decide, as long as it’s right for you.

Here’s an example:

“Some people who have survived a stay in the ICU never want to return, even if it means they might die. Others would return to the ICU if recommended by their doctor. What kind of a person are you?”

Of course, we could argue the wording and how to adapt it for different questions, but the concept’s the same. The key to using the Some-Other technique is to never use it in isolation: it’s always helpful to pair it with further exploration and empathetic response. A NURSE statement like “tell me more” is a great one to use after Some-Other because it creates space to explore someone’s rationale for selecting option A or B. Sometimes literally acknowledging that there’s no right or wrong decision, or exploring how hard it must be to think about the question at hand, is also helpful.