Wonder more.

Yesterday we explored the statement “they don’t deserve this,” which is usually followed by “it’s just not right.” How would you respond? How do you attend to the underlying emotion, how do you explore the weight of this statement? Because it’s a very heavy statement. It presumes a right versus wrong course of action.

I tend to use “I wonder” statements a lot in these situations. “I hear what you’re saying, and sense how frustrating this has been. I wonder what she would say if she could see what’s going on” or “I wonder why her family members, who seem to love her very much, are making decisions we feel aren’t right. I wonder if they’re scared. Or feeling guilty?”

I wonder statements are great because they reinforce curiosity, rather than fortification behind fixed beliefs. I wonder if there’s another perspective I should consider. I wonder if there’s something I’m not seeing.

If we wonder more, then we’ll remember that there’s no universal right or wrong, there’s only what matters most to our patients based on their unique identities and values.